Bullying and the Aftermath

Last year, I discovered that one of my children was the victim of bullying. They didn't tell me themselves - they were too embarrassed. You would think a child that has plenty to say about terrible injustices such as having to eat vegetables and make their own bed would have plenty to say about being bullied. But bullying isn't like that.
It creeps up on you like a slow groth. Sometimes you think you hust imagined it - until it happens again. Sometimes you think you're going slightly mad. All all the time if ebbs away at your self-esteem - like the sea on the Paekakariki seawall.
It broke my heart when I heard about the bullying, not just because it was nasty and unjustified, but because it was another one of life's experiences and it wouldn't be the last time they'd face it. Bullying and related activity come in many forms right through life, as we adults all know.
The irony of my child's plight was not lost on me when I knew a little about what the Board of Trustees was dealing with at Paekakariki School. A number of complaints about the way past and present staff had allegedly been treated. Each complaint had to be thoroughly investigated, taking hundreds of hours of the Board's time. Some asked why these issues hadn't come up beofre. Well it's not that simple. To stand up to an issues when you feel like you've been regularly undermined is far from easy.
Years ago as a fledgling journalist writing a feature on domestic violence, I interviewed numerous women who had been victims. Why didn't they just walk away? Well, they said, the day after it happened life was back to normal. The only thing that was different was a feeling in your belly that it could happen again anytime soon. They said it was like walking on egg shells and, you thought, if you were really careful and kept light on your feet you could keep th shells from crushing.
So I told my child what I knew about bullying. I told them that almost everyone experiences bullying at least once in their lives. I told them that bullying can be caused by stress and that it is probably inherent in all of us given the right mixture of circumstances. I said a brave way to deal with bullying was to stand up to it. But that too has its own consequences.
And the best we can do as parents who have all experienced bullying is to stand up for our children, and in the case of Paekakariki, for the teachers too.
But in the meantime, I advocate a short term solution - eye up some blades of grass, imagine they are the bullies, and then get the lawn mower and deal to them.

Lessons in Being Uncool

'Girl Child" I yelled.
"I can't get this button to work."
"I'm not the family techno-wizz," she responded.
Well why did I have children, if they can't help me programme recordings of Desperate Housewives?
Tongue in cheek- but nevertheless - I am not sure what I would do without a child of the -z-generation to guide me through the rapid changes in technology. It was Girl child who taught me how to use my i-phone, without reading instructions. It is Girl Child I call on to help me through the complexities of the modern-day TV and all its accessories.
Z-generation (and Y too I'm sure) are wired differently - they're intuitive - I read an instruction manual. There are other less inspiring things I am learning through Ms Z. For example, she has just confirmed for me that I am incredibly uncool. I knew this would happen. I just thought I might squeeze a couple more moments of adultation from her. Evidently it is 'so wrong' to invite friends to 'play.' Evdiently now you have to say 'would you like friend over to 'hang out.' Like 'let's all hang out you funky chickens?' I say making chicken movements with my head.
'That's just sad,' was the response. 'First you were uncool, now you're just trying too hard - and that's way more uncool. It's sad.'
Man, these lessons are tough - or is that - Yo these lessons are tough? I'll have to ask.
At the age of twelve, Girl child clearly knows everything. Or maybe not. Last week she asked if she could go and 'hang out' with a friend at Coastlands.
'Convince me why,' I said.
'We'd have a really good time withough grownups and we can spend money.'
'And in what way is that a good thing?"
Sit down Girl child and your incredibly uncool mother will speak to you about the art of persuasion.
There is still much to teach you ... grasshopper.