Bullying and the Aftermath

Last year, I discovered that one of my children was the victim of bullying. They didn't tell me themselves - they were too embarrassed. You would think a child that has plenty to say about terrible injustices such as having to eat vegetables and make their own bed would have plenty to say about being bullied. But bullying isn't like that.
It creeps up on you like a slow groth. Sometimes you think you hust imagined it - until it happens again. Sometimes you think you're going slightly mad. All all the time if ebbs away at your self-esteem - like the sea on the Paekakariki seawall.
It broke my heart when I heard about the bullying, not just because it was nasty and unjustified, but because it was another one of life's experiences and it wouldn't be the last time they'd face it. Bullying and related activity come in many forms right through life, as we adults all know.
The irony of my child's plight was not lost on me when I knew a little about what the Board of Trustees was dealing with at Paekakariki School. A number of complaints about the way past and present staff had allegedly been treated. Each complaint had to be thoroughly investigated, taking hundreds of hours of the Board's time. Some asked why these issues hadn't come up beofre. Well it's not that simple. To stand up to an issues when you feel like you've been regularly undermined is far from easy.
Years ago as a fledgling journalist writing a feature on domestic violence, I interviewed numerous women who had been victims. Why didn't they just walk away? Well, they said, the day after it happened life was back to normal. The only thing that was different was a feeling in your belly that it could happen again anytime soon. They said it was like walking on egg shells and, you thought, if you were really careful and kept light on your feet you could keep th shells from crushing.
So I told my child what I knew about bullying. I told them that almost everyone experiences bullying at least once in their lives. I told them that bullying can be caused by stress and that it is probably inherent in all of us given the right mixture of circumstances. I said a brave way to deal with bullying was to stand up to it. But that too has its own consequences.
And the best we can do as parents who have all experienced bullying is to stand up for our children, and in the case of Paekakariki, for the teachers too.
But in the meantime, I advocate a short term solution - eye up some blades of grass, imagine they are the bullies, and then get the lawn mower and deal to them.