Ageing: the tipping point

There's been a bit of aging going on in our house lately. Boy and girl were counting off the days for weeks off the days for weeks until their birthday while man-child ad I hid for longer under the duvet as the anniversary of each of the days we were born ticked over. Boy and girl child planed their parties with intricate detail while we adults bought in extra food ad drink and invited only friends who were older than us as a support group. !' say I'm trying to remember the tipping point into old age. When I stopped looking forward to birthdays and began to fear them. When I stopped obthering to preen myself in front of the mirror like th children and instead scuttled away pulling the loosening skin up behind my ears. I remember a mild crisis when I was the ripe of age of 22, beig philisophical at 30 and leaving the country at 40. But this year was particularly cruel. Stupidly on my birthday I decided to reintroduce myself to the gym. I got on the arc trainer, I programmed in weight and age with a shudder and strode off on the spot to make up for all the chocolate I had ever eaten in my life. Suddenly lights began flashing 'slow down' and the machine announced ' your heart rate is too high.' "Pooh" say I and puffed harder on the weight loss, cardio, make yourself look fab programme. Then, to my horror, the machine announced it was switching to manual to 'manage' my heart rate before shutting down completely. I was so angry I kicked the inanimate object and set my arthritis off again. Striding home I caught sight of boy child joyfully playing with his newly acquired birthday toys. He was terribly sad that he would have to wait another whole year until his next birthday, but bursting with joy that he would be in 'double digits.' This will of course be followed closely by the joy of being old enough to drive, drink legally, marry, have a mortgage and somewhere, sometime, you'll reach the tipping point and your loving parents will be there with the presents of your choice: anti inflammatories, hair dye and a heart rate monitor.